I'm too happy to starve. Go figure. Hovering around the 114.6/115.4 mark. Is this good? Is this bad?! I'm so frigging confused. It's nice, it all really truly and honestly is. Regular sex, cuddles and someone to talk to is lovely. Maybe my eating disorder and I have been friends for far too long; maybe that's it. She always pushed me forward, though! She was the one that made me strive to be the very best person I could possibly be. She made me read every book, collect connections and friends like weapon stockpiles and stay awake until god-knows-o-clock workingworkingworking. All I had to do was restrict my food intake.
And now that I'm happy I don't have time to read anymore. I haven't learnt anything new today. I did have a cake with my lunch and 3 slices of pizza for dinner. I'm also listening to Christian friggin' acousic. Goddamn the One Tree Hill soundtrack. I have always been hyper ambitious and nothing I have ever done has been good enough to the point it hurts. Maybe now that I'm happy I could achieve things. Maybe I would be happy with them.
I am going to kill this man if he has fixed me.
i know what you mean, there's this friend who is so wonderful and then you meet someone who tells you, you don't need that old friend...
ReplyDeleteand oh damn one tree hill and it's perfect people and perfect lives ...well, not quite so perfect.
<3