I took lax last night. Bulimia is such a pointless disease; I always found it a bit cowardly. I studied the Domino's pizza menu online for about 30 minutes tonight, but managed to resist. The start is always the hardest part of every diet and I feel so incredibly lost tonight. From 2pm today, all I have wanted to do is hide under my bedsheets and cry until I fell asleep. It's controlling me at the moment, teasing me, telling me I'm not ready or strong enough to give in to that wonderful feeling of weight-loss. I'm not sure I am, but, the again, I can't go back to how things were. I can't be 150+lbs. I cannot be a beached whale. I cannot.