I have finally cracked it! I'm lying in bed clutching at my stomach and have the biggest smile on my face because I'm back to where I should be. I can feel my belly tingling like little bells are rocking against the insides and ringing out the sound of success, of beauty and control and everything else. And I have no desire to eat at all.
I have been trying something different this time. Before, I could go straight from normal to 500 calories a day without any slow descent. My recent binging (that has been going on since 1 January!) is going to require a bit more of a downgrading, particularly seeing as I didn't put on any weight from eating takeaways and chocolate like it was going out of fashion due to a lot of exercise and sea kelp. I have been so busy at work that I don't really have enough time to eat much anymore. I have a slice of toast in the morning, copious amounts of tea and coffee throughout the day, a salad or soup for lunch, followed by perhaps some crisps, and then whatever my parents make for dinner. I am still mostly eat dinner at the moment. I skip it only once or twice a week: slow descents. I take any excuse at work to walk to other departments and rooms, fidgeting, fidgeting, fidgeting constantly. I haven't weighed myself for the past couple of days. I got my period on Friday which would explain why I was 119lbs, but that's also quite a promising sign. I will be 114lbs by the end of the week. Two people called me tiny on Saturday night. What a lovely word! A little misplaced right now but it will sound better next to my name soon enough.
I have a date tomorrow night. Another excuse to skip dinner!