LilySlim Weight charts

Sunday, 9 May 2010

bloodbuzz ohio

I had a couple of triggers tonight. I guess I have been searching for something to push me over the edge and, well, unintentionally I got them. I was in the neighbourhood where I used to live tonight. I walked past the counsellors' office and the doctors where I was diagnosed (whatever that means) last year. I went to a gig venue and stood in the exact same spot where I stood with *him* (see first post). It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. In fact I had completely ceased to associate this part of town with him and being ill last summer and so when I went and was reminded it was all quite weird. Inside I curled up small in a little ball and covered my ears and eyes, but outside I was perfectly serene. I have eaten a LOT. Two curries this weekend. Chocolate. Crisps. I'm going to start with giving up bread, drinking tonnes of water and sleeping lots. I hate food, I hate feeling full and heavy and wide. I need to get back to how I used to be. Cravings and hunger are horrible things - but would I rather satsify them or be thin? I want to feel clean and empty again.

I hope everyone's doing good and staying strong xo


  1. gosh, i fucking hate crisps! (i ate them last nite) and its fucking to purge them too.
    try some Sleep Aids from Dollar Tree. magic. they kill ur appetite... stay strong! xoxo

  2. I've recently found grilled veggies. Zucchini works quite nicely; slice, and heat over medium-high in a non-stick pan. The crispy skin makes my mind think I'm eating something carb-filled and tasty, but it's good for you. good luck on your journey ♥