Monday, 5 July 2010
I'm on the verge of crying. Idontcryidontcryidontcry. He slept with her. I don't have any claim over him; I'm not allowed to be upset over this. But we had an understanding! We're soul mates in every cringe way imaginable and I wouldn't sleep with one of his friends and be so bloody blase about it. I never believed before that men didn't use the chromosome lottery's jackpot of extra testosterone strength to their own ends. I didn't believe that men could be good and understanding and know what a friggin' emotion was before him. Everything he said was a lie. Use the sadness to starve. That's what I've got to do. FUCK HIM. Seriously. Maybe I should cut him out for a little bit. Maybe forever. I'm not sure I could be that childish but I'm going to bloody try. He did this once before and he knew it upset me and I couldn't talk to him for weeks. He says I'm the most important person in his life but would he really have done this knowing full well what it would do to me if that was true? So I'm gone. I deserve better. The only thing he's going to see of me are my skinny, beautiful limbs in photos on facebook. I wonder if I'll still be fat to him then.