I got upset first. Angry-upset. I tried to cry but the tears didn't really come out and I tried to shout but all I could manage were a few weak punches in my pillow. I considered posting pro-ana songs on my facebook to get his attention too but thank god I didn't resort to that. I think I'm more or less over it now. I don't get mad - I get thin and fabulous. I was too good for him anyway and this excuse for distance could be a really good thing if I stick it out. I channelled all this into a pseudo-fast today (diet coke, skinny latte and a small sandwich when I started to feel dizzy). I'm going to try to swap the sandwich for a banana tomorrow. I woke up at 116.4 today which was a bit gross. Hopefully I will see smaller number tomorrow. I hope to hell I keep this up.
Tuesday, 6 July 2010
pretend best friend
Thank you so much to all you lovely, lovely people. He's just not that into you messages are quite daunting to receive but they were very much needed and appreciated. I have decided that George is not my best friend anymore. He's not even a good friend. I'm pretty sure he came out with that comment out of jealousy (it was in direct response to me telling him about a date I had with someone he thinks I shouldn't be with). But the fact that he used something he knew was a weak spot for me (he's slept with another friend of mine before and I didn't speak to him for a month), just shows that he really doesn't care about me. He was the first person I told about my ED and the only person who knows the gruesome details, yet he still called me big last week? I would be upset but it's not even true. Even I, the girl who sees her size 6/8 body as freakishly lumpy and fat, knows I'm not naturally large. My bone structure is friggin' tiny: I'm not naturally the sort of person who carries lots of fat. So that was another example of him being manipulative in a very cruel way.