I spent the entire weekend curled up in bed and making shapes under bedsheets with a man I told myself was not right for me. Turns out I was wrong; he was very much right at least in the now. I showed him all my skeletons, wiggled them around and made them say 'Boo!', but he didn't even flinch. Part of me was trying to scare him away because I think he wants to be serious for all the wrong reasons (ie not with me, but the idea of me), the other part was trying to run away for my own wrong reasons (ie general fear of commitment). I'm not going to analyse this one though. I'm just going to have fun with a man who thinks my body is perfect and who makes me laugh and countless other things.
The only downside was that I had a million takeaway and alcohol calories (the worst kind!), and in my usual Monday fashion I binged like a pregnant pig today. Tomorrow I am flicking the switch back to emptiness and control and lightness. I have been so rubbish about skipping breakfast recently which is insane because it's the best meal ever. From tomorrow I intend to wake up at 6am, do 90 minutes of personal project stuff, jet off to work and try subside on about 600 calories (obviously that will be have to be reduced when I get stronger), 200 calorie evening meal and then an early night.
Sorry I have been a bit MIA recently, I am sending out much love and support to everyone! Will get round to all your blogs soon, including all the ones who have just started following. Promise.