Friday, 16 April 2010
say hello to the angels
Feel quite... blah. Skipped breakfast. Had half a curry and rice. Had a Dr Pepper. Had a packet of crisps and tube of sweets. Found out my flight has been cancelled and therefore won't be going to Egypt this weekend. Had the other half of the curry and rice. Slice of cream cake. Chocolate and more sweets.
I remember when I got really good at this whole thing last time and food would actually scare me. Even when I tried to eat again it would make me feel sick and would give me horrible pains in my stomach. I wish I could get back to that. I don't know if I'm disappointed in myself for eating or upset at the cancellation of my holiday. Even if it is just the latter (which it probably is), I am hopefully going to try and channel some of this pain into getting myself back to where I should be. I want to disappear for a while and come back as a little waif of a thing, perfectly angular and compact. I guess I'm not going to get the chance to do that for a while now.