I had one last binge today. It's funny, when I binge I usually feel everything physically spreading out and the little glass beaker I push myself into cracking under the strain of my new fleshy mass. Even when I am telling myself 500 times a minute that this is the Last Time; that this will be my last supper; that I will need the energy for a ridiculous exercise binge I never seem to find the time for, I always know that I've completely lost It, the control that is. But this time, whilst eating my slice of carrot cake with butter icing and extra large packet of crisps and hot chocolate with marshmallows, I knew. I know I'm ready to get back down to where I was and beyond. I have skipped dinner and have excuses to skip it for the next three nights.
I'm going to trial not weighing myself too. Because I know I have ballooned beyond belief, I'm worried that weighing myself in the mornings will just depress me and may send me the other way. I'm going to try and see how this goes all this week and next week, when I'm in Egypt, I won't be able to weigh myself then anyway and will probably not be able to eat the food. Two weeks of not knowing how much I weigh!!! Terrifying.