LilySlim Weight charts

Thursday, 15 April 2010

what you feel is what you are and what you are is beautiful

There's something a little off about this bout of weightloss. I don't know if it's a fear of going over the edge again or whether it's because I am genuinely happy at the moment; either way, my heart isn't exactly in it. I know that if I weigh myself tomorrow and I am 117, I wouldn't be as heart broken as I should be. Maybe this is just what I felt like in the beginning last time - this is normal. Maybe I was just expecting to jump straight into that all-consuming and quite frightening obsession that I last remember. As bad as this sounds, I really miss that feeling. I miss waking up and weighing myself to the decimal, calculating my BMI and then measuring my thigh, waist, hips and bust, noting the changes in a graph or forcing myself back to sleep until I would wake up thinner and smaller. It was freeing and suffocating and secure and scary all at the same time. It was a paradox and it was mine.


  1. i know exactly how you feel. ive been feeling the same ever since i started to get some help from this therapist and dietician.
    sure i ignore every thing they say and carry on not eating much, and hiding my weight, but im still not as shocked as i used to be when ive gained weight, or not as precise when it comes to measuring myself.
    i dont understand it.

    keep strong xxxxx

    comments are welcome on my posts.

  2. there's something about complete self-control that is so satisfying.